Today's Secret Garden

current mood: exhausted, lonely
current music: Secret Garden, Bruce Springstein (Jerry Maguire version)

I'm exhausted because I've been awake way too long, and Alec is pushing around my organs telling me it's time for him to wake up. Unfortunately for me, I didn't sleep when he slept, so now it's going to be a pain in my ass to get any sleep at all.

And I'm lonely not for the usual reasons. I miss him is all. I miss his voice. I miss seeing his smile. I miss hearing him laugh. I miss the sparkle in his eyes. I just miss him.

Dialogue from Secret Garden and Jerry Maguire have always hit me in such a fashion that I break down into tears just like when I first heard the song out in the barn with Dad. When I downloaded the song a week or so ago, they hit me again. "I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man he almost is." Ouch. Is it that the lines are ripped from my life or that my life is ripped from those lines?

"I'm not letting you get rid of me. How 'bout that? I miss my wife. I love you. You complete me." It's too bad these last three words from Jerry to Dorothy were so overused. This is the very sentiment I was always looking for. I made so many mistakes with men that could have never completed me. But he does.

But I'll be fine, I promise. And, Beloved, deep down, I'm not lying about being fine. Some days are just harder than others.

Well, Pop's alarm is going off. Time for me to go to bed.