The Poster Girl

"Poster Girl"

Yeah yeah yeah

Jodie was a long way from home
She could make alone look pretty
Her attitude made a part of the landscape
Riding her bike through Alphabet City
She likes to party in the backseat
Under the bridge on the Brooklyn side
Smoking cigarettes in the afterglow
Taking bets that the sun won't rise

She said, "what good is tomorrow without a guarantee?"
She can lick her lips and smile
And make you wanna believe

That the consequences of your actions really are just a game
That your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day
She says nothing's forever in this crazy world
Still I'm falling in love with the right now poster girl

Right now right now
Oooh
Oh ohh

Jodie liked to shoplift in stores
Ride alongside the rich and famous
Get in elevators, press emergency stop
And make love on the floor 'til the camera made us
And no woman in the world ever made me feel like my heart's on fire
Where she'd walk I followed (followed)
When she left I cried

What good is tomorrow without a guarantee?
I was wrapped around her finger
And I began to believe

That the consequences of your actions really are just a game
That your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day
She says nothing's forever in this crazy world
Still I'm falling in love with the right now poster girl

That the consequences of your actions really are just a game
That your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day
She says nothing's forever in this crazy world (crazy world)
Still I'm falling in love with the right now poster girl

La la la la
La la la la
La la la la la (la la la la la)
La la la la
La la la la (la la la la)
La la la la la

Oh
Tell me what you want from me
I've got everything you need
It's getting hard for me to breathe
Let me be your guarantee

That the consequences of your actions really are just a game
That your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day
She says nothing's forever in this crazy world
Still I'm falling in love with the right now poster girl

That the consequences (poster girl) of your actions really are just a game
That your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day
She says nothing's forever in this crazy world (crazy world)
Still I'm falling in love with the right now poster girl

Right now right now
Right now ohhh ohh
Poster girl
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Poster girl yeah
Come on come on yeah

It's getting better all the time...

Edit: This piece is mostly fictional. Song by Brooks & Dunn.

I don't stop breathing every time the phone rings,
My heart don't race when someone's at my door,
I've almost given up thinking you're ever gonna call,
I don't believe in magic anymore,
I just don't lie awake at night,
Asking God to get you off my mind.

When the phone rang the other day, I picked it up without a second pause. As I said 'hello', it hit me that I had been breathing normally for the first time in weeks, months really. On the other end of the phone, a girl friend asked me how I was doin'. I burst out, "I don't think he's ever gonna' call." Silence on the other end and then a sigh. "Girl, that kind of magic don't exist no more," she said.

It's getting better all the time,
It's getting better all the time.

When my head hits that pillow every night, I no longer lie awake crying. I read my books; filling my head with romance and fantasy. It's the only thing that works. But lately I've been noticeing something. Every day it's a little bit easier. Every day I breathe a little clearer. And every night, the dreams get a little dimmer.

Yeah I got to work on time again this morning,
This old job is all that I got left,
And no one even noticed I'd been crying,
At least I don't have whiskey on my breath,
Yeah I think I'm gonna make it,
'Cause God won't make a mountain I can't climb.

Well I got me a job, and it's lifted my spirits up. Still there's times... when my friends don't see me when I cry. They don't see me lookin' at that bottle, wantin' to drown my tears away. I put the SoCo back in the fridge and wipe my bleary eyes. I don't need to cry.

It's getting better all the time,
It's getting better all the time.

I don't wanna fly and I don't wanna die. I'm living cause that's all that I can do. I'll never waste my time crying... At least not on you any more.

God, I hope you're happy,
Girl, I wish you well,
I just might get over you
But you can't ever tell.

I hope you're happy with your new life. It's hard to think about me not in it. There's still days I wanna pick up the phone and talk to you. But somehow when I hear that dial tone, the desire washes itself away. I think I might move on someday. But I can't imagine you not in my life.

I always thought I'd do something crazy,
If I ever saw you out with someone else,
But when the moment came last night,
I couldn't say a word,
I stood there in the dark all by myself,
Yeah I could have said a million things,
But all I did was keep it locked inside.

Last night, I walked into the bar. You know the one we always spent our Friday nights? But I saw your arm around another pretty girl, and my heart dropped from my chest. I guess she saw me standing there starin'. She flashed a pretty smile. It was the greeting of a stranger. She didn't even know who I was. I thought about going over, and I thought about what I'd say. But the words tumbled, jumbled in my mind. I knew the million things I could say, well I knew they wouldn't come out right.

So I held my tongue, and turned into a statue. I stayed there by the door. I cried a song so silent but to myself. And when I turned to leave, a man held the door open for me. He smiled at me, lifted his hat, and said, "Ma'am." The thought hit me; there's someone out there for me...

It's getting better all the time,
It's getting better all the time,
It's getting better all...the time.

I've given up waitin' on you... There's someone else now on my mind.

I'm at War

current mood: Reflective, Sorrowful
current music: My Vietnam, Pink (M!ssundaztood)

[sounds of bombs, drums, and helicopters] Daddy was a soldier / He taught me about freedom / Peace and all the great things / That we take advantage of / Once I fed the homeless / I'll never forget / The look upon their faces as I / Treated them with respect // This is my Vietnam / I'm at war / Life keeps on dropping bombs / And I keep score // Mama was a lunatic / She liked to push my buttons / She said I wasn't good enough / But I guess I wasn't trying / Never liked school that much / They tried to teach me better / But I just wasn't hearing it / Because I thought I was already pretty clever // This is my Vietnam / I'm at war / Life keeps on dropping bombs / And I keep score // This is my Vietnam / I'm at war / They keep on dropping bombs / And I keep score // What do you expect from me / What am I not giving you / What could I do for you / To make me okay in your eyes // This is my Vietnam / This is my Vietnam / I'm at war, at war / They keep on dropping bombs / And I keep score // This is my Vietnam / I'm at war / Life keeps on dropping bombs / And I keep score // This is my Vietnam / This is my Vietnam
[sounds of bombs, gunfire, and a guitar playing the national anthem]

Well Daddy wasn't a soldier, and Mama wasn't a lunatic. Daddy was a farmer. Father was a garbage man and wrecker driver. Mama was caring. Mother was inept. And Mom was a lunatic.

And you thought it bad with just one or two parents... Try a total of five.

I did once feed the homeless. And I wept.

Mom always pushed my buttons and always told me I wasn't good enough. Even though I tried. I loved school. It was the only sanctuary I had.

I was scared. I was lost. I was running.

I ran for so long. Now I am afraid to stop.

I did stupid things... And life certainly dropped its bombs.

And I'm still dealing with the fallout.

Dear God, is it painful to experience! And when removed from myself, so painful to watch. I am at war... with myself.

When does the war end? When is 'my Vietnam' over? When can I stop running? Lord, let it stop!

For now, I'm still at War.